Melancholy Mondays 2: Oh, the things I could do

I kind of suck at being an introvert. I don't think I'd ever argue that that's how I'm wired, but I'd definitely argue that I suck at being one. There's so much potential during solitude, and I squander most of that time. And ironically, that's how I spend most of my time. Sort of.

Anthony says coming to our house here at camp is like basically coming to an empty house. It's often true. When you're around us, you're essentially just around your phone, or the book you brought, or with the cats. Or we all might be staring at a screen together if we're feeling really sociable. We don't get over-excited to see you and immediately offer you tea and what game should we play and what should we do tomorrow. So you might see us—me, since that's who I'm always talking about here—and think I must be excellent at spending my time entertaining myself.

And I suppose if that's what you think, you'd be pretty right. I'm good at entertaining myself, I guess. On my phone I play my word games over and over (this is a knock on how I spend my time, but... if you ever want to play Scramble with Friends or Words with Friends, I'm totally down...); I check Instagram over and over and over; I edit pictures sometimes when I'm done with the other two; and then, when it's time to close my eyes, or go do work, or get off the toilet, I'll just check my email, then the weather, and maybe even the news. Then probably a game of Solitaire to round things out.

And if I'm on my computer it's one of these sites, essentially:

And usually only the first half of those. I rarely dabble in the latter half. And the rest of my bookmarks—hundreds: proof I peruse then don't use—I rarely ever look at again. So it's just about half a dozen sites on repeat and refresh, until my neck hurts, or my legs fall asleep, or I'm too fed up with my sloth to continue.

Instead. Instead, I should be taking walks outside. I should be learning about ants and stars. I should be reading in Spanish and trying to learn Norwegian. I should be calling Grandma (Kika, cuando lees esto, espero que ya te habia llamado por lo menos una vez... recibí tu email esta tarde y te debo una conversación! Pero mas que eso, sinceramente me gustaría oír tu voz.). I should be learning to tie knots. I should be cleaning my room. I should be finishing the three books I'm currently "reading." I should be devouring good articles online, or in the magazine I splurged on 10 weeks ago at the store in Ned. I should be trimming my beard, or doing my laundry, or washing the dishes. I should be checking the headlight in my car to see what kind it is and then I should be ordering a new one to replace it. I should be running. I should be taking pictures. I should be writing a poem. I should be reading a poem. I should be memorizing scripture. I should be writing letters to my future wife. I should be making tons of rules for my kids. I should be journaling, or crocheting, or humming. I should be applying for a freaking job.

So, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not so much an introvert as a shouldbe. They are not the same. I'd really like to be an introvert. I mean, after all, I really should be.



PS: Yes, Sonya, like Mr. Rogers. I wish I could be like Mr. Rogers, too.