23:23:23

The train passes by many times a day and shakes our house as it thunders past even though it is a good quarter mile away. Sometimes our neighbor across the street comes home in his motorcycle and sometimes in his car. Either way, it always sounds like someone's stopping in the middle of the road which makes me freeze, like someone might be coming to our house. This morning the garbage truck came by to retrieve our gifts.

There's a huge evergreen tree in our front yard. I'm not sure which kind, but its trunk is a couple feet in diameter and there are no branches until 20 feet up. The branches then are long and scraggly and gropey. And hauntingly hanging above our vehicles and rooms. I never am quite sure whether I'll wake up in the morning to my alarm or to a branch stuck through my skull. So far so good.

The neighbor to our back corner is fascinating to watch. He'll wander his yard at random, checking the ditch by the road, the fence on the far side of his yard, the old two-story cat shed between all the houses, and the wood pile and overgrowth to the side of our house. Sometimes he just touches our wood pile or picks up a piece and puts it on top. He's kind of older, with grey hair and country clothes and two trucks and hands clasped behind his back and a shoulderless shuffle. I watch him through our back door. Maybe I'm just as fascinating.

I'm lying on my bed, sideways, with my feet in the middle of the room and my head against the wall. The shelf full of books is directly in front of me and up. I've purchased several the past few weeks at McKays. I'm not sure that I've finished a one. There are two very large speakers on my desk lent to me by the Foote family. They provide the world of escape that a good loud song only can. They have become my friends.

I'm dreadfully thirsty. And by the time I finish this sentence it should be about 23:23:23. Nope. I finished at 23:23:13. But right NOW it was 23:23:23. This has been a Snippets of My Life. Good night.

Winning Winsdays 9

Not much this week....

m u s i c
I've been digging the bass and all the rest from Glass Animals' songs recently. Probably my favorite is Gooey.





v i d e o s 
Daniel walks with a stranger. And wins. Both the walking contest, and with this video. Love it. (seen on dump.com)


- - -

I was tempted to skip this video during the first minute or so, then the next minute, and even the next. But I didn't. And taken as one entire piece it was pretty awesome. Another way of explaining light speed and the vastness of the universe. So cool. (see on dump.com)

Melancholy Mondays 9: Retire to a Life of Luxury

Exactly xkcd, exactly.



In my case, I'm insecure enough to just try and be realistic and predictable with my answer, but I like this approach much better.

My dream job?

Hmm... I've tried a couple attempts just now but erased them. Turns out even just letting myself be completely free to come up with anything, any dream job whatsoever, is harder than I imagined.

Does that say something? Yep: All is lost. I am doomed to forever live in the shadow of What Could Be, unable to see it for the light of everyone else's lives shining too brightly in my eyes. This is a scary place to be. It renders me useless. I sleep in. I watch tv. I watch movies. I find new music and drift along in the wake. I have temporary highs when I take showers and get dressed, thinking perhaps, perhaps there is something out there for me. Or when I go on a run that leaves my chemicals brewing and scheming with a false sense of power and potential.

In reality, what am I? I'm a 27-year-old unambitious and unimaginative, lazy, indifferent, selfish and stubborn man boy who doesn't want to grow up, who doesn't know how to work hard, and who hasn't hit any kind of rock-bottom in terms of living standards to wake him up, as they might say. But it's not a dream to wake up from. It's my reality. And it's a problem.

If I was someone in a magazine article we'd all lament at how lame our society is getting. We'd see that and say, "How aggravating! I work my butt off, pay my taxes, support my country and family, and this grown man kid watches his meager savings dwindle, can't get himself to look for and procure a job, and doesn't even care."

Maybe you've already thought that. Maybe you're a parent (yes, that's you, Mom) who could admit to thinking along these lines at some point. Or all the time?

But if you try and come to tell me all this to my face I'll charm you out of the house and then take some popcorn to my best friend's house for a pity party. That's my house, by the way. I'll numb my senses with melancholy background tunes and iPhone games until my eyes are bloodshot and my limbs are stiff. Then, since I'm already in bed, I'll reluctantly put down my phone at last and let myself slip away into deep body-tensing, fist-clenching, eyes-wide-open, mental screams, only to wake up in the morning and do it all again.

- - -
Woohoo!!! I love Melancholy Mondays. I'm so glad I figured out an excuse to post this all publicly. Go me! Life is so good. I steamed some vegetables a couple days ago and ate some leftovers of it today for lunch. Mm-mmm, so good. Yesterday we did a killer trail run, and I came across a new sensation in my legs toward the end. I was dehydrated and tired, some of my joints were starting to ache, my old blisters were flaring a bit, and my lower-back was giving out. But my legs, specifically the big muscle masses in them, I noticed suddenly were noticeably fine. It was awesome. I wondered if that's what it was like to run 50 miles. 100 miles. Maybe things start to ache. Maybe the mind is weary from the fight. But maybe, just maybe, the deep, thick muscles continue to march behind you, looking you in the eyes and saying, "Fight on, we fight for you."

That has a ring to it, doesn't it? Kind of makes you think I'm feeling positive and reinvigorated. But I'm not. Or maybe I am, but about what—getting off this chair and moving my legs? Because getting out of a chair is a victory? Okay, but it's also the end for me. It's not the means to an end. Super lame. I'm not re-motivated to get back to the phone and call a dozen different employers. Or even get online and search for a dozen potential employers. Or even think about what general areas I might want to work in. Or even figure out that dream job—something that is completely up to my own whims.

The life of someone like me means wondering when things are going to really turn south, but also knowing that someday things are going to really suck and I'd rather not think about that time. So, there are always more trails to run. Always another meal to eat. Always another movie to watch. Always another set of Instagram pictures to scroll through.

Let's be honest (say it like you're supposed to), this self-empowering, inspiring move to Tennessee hasn't produced much.

I'm the same as ever, just years older. I wonder what will change me.

Don't Wake Up. Just Kidding Wake UP!!

This morning during the one-hour wakeup-or-not torment that is common to man I found myself in a poorly lit hallway with wooden walls and concrete floor. It was probably somewhat humid and the dim light was dehydrated-pee-yellow, coming from stale lamps on the wall.

I was walking down the hall, which wasn't too long, and then opened up a closet on the left. Akin to a janitor's closet, strewn with a variety of vague, dreamy (but not) things. I looked down and my mind was suddenly assaulted by the vision of a bipedal alien spider coming out from behind a bucket. NO.

With the rapidity of the Enterprise heading into warp speed I turned and fled the closet, rushing to the safety of... apparently a barracks room at the end of the hall, full of... dudes. Revolutionary soldiers? I don't know. But half were still asleep, the others were just sort of waking up, I think.

*Oh my word shivers found me again as I recall all this

I enter the room and flee to the middle and turn around in terror. And there it is. The running batman logo of a spider, with the two arched, but also kind of like lightning, legs of Alien heads and not really any body, now that I think of it. It paused at the door for effect, of course, and then quickly and cooly sped into the room...

And freaking latched onto my ankle!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Needless to say I stopped that dumb nightmare right there before the creepture got to crawl up my leg and decided waking to my cold room was better than being befriended by an 8-inch two-legged spider from the ice-cold emptiness of the unknown.

Just thought I'd share.

Winning Winsdays 8

a r t i c l e s
Dakota Jones writes well. And he was just in Argentina and Chile for a while to race the Cuatro Refugios race, which sounds grueling. His report, I think, is well done. I think I like this guy. (Seen on his tweet about it.)

Spectacular though the view may be, my home lay far below. And, more superficially, I had a race to finish. So I ran down, down down again, all the way to the lakeside and the finish line and my friends. But my heart stayed up high. And it's still there now, moving quietly among the high rocks above Bariloche, just as it's also still on the high slopes of Mont Blanc and the crest of the Mooses Tooth in Alaska.

t v   s h o w s
Brooklyn Nine-Nine has been thoroughly entertaining the past few days. Twenty-minute episodes, produced (and starred in) by Andy Samberg, and ridiculous children-in-adult-bodies make for stories I can handle.


v i d e o s
English spelling is silly, many people agree, but this TED-Ed video by Gina Cook showed me that the silliness often (if it said how often, I missed it) comes from very practical foundations. I appreciate that. (Saw it on thekidsshouldseethis.)



- - -
I like these drones.


(saw it on helloyoucreatives)


m u s i c
Spotify introduced me to Messages to Bears a few days ago and I've been digging it* during the past few rainy, grey days we've been having here in TN. If you want some melancholy background music, this is a good option. (*"It" happens to be one Englishman: Jerome Alexander.)




m i s c e l l a n e o u s
This photo and caption came across my feed on Instagram today and I admired it a lot because it's a mom and her kids and they were all (especially the kids) getting into reading and learning today, and I think not only is that awesome but it's awesome that the mother is cultivating that and posting about it.

Our school day began with my dropping a pile of long lost books on the kitchen table. I was just organizing them. Their natural curiosity drew them in and before long the two youngest were making cloud viewers and drawing and labeling the different types of clouds, the older helping the younger. This one picked up a picture book of great American women and after reading about Dolly Madison started asking questions about the War of 1812. I said, 'do we have a book about that?' She found it and has since been completely absorbed in American history. I know she is learning because she is finding answers to her own questions and she is practically vibrating with inspiration. I am learning as well. Because every few minutes she says 'Mom, listen to this...' Or 'Did you know...?' We have had discussions about politics and what it means to be a true leader and I'm just organizing books. Now she is studying the gospel and the other two are building a cardboard dollhouse. Heaven. #ilovehomeschool #turnoffthetv

Dirty South Trail Half

This past Sunday I got up early, drove to Knoxville, and raced in Knoxville Track Club's Dirty South Half Trail race. It was awesome.

I've only done a few trail races and only one other half marathon trail race. It was a year and a half ago while I was deaning at UCA. I'd headed across the border into Idaho and bonked on the five-mile uphill at the Moscow Madness race, ending with a time of 2:09. So toeing the line in Knoxville, I certainly hoped to better that time. Secretly, I guess I thought maybe a 1:45 sounded nice? But I really don't know how to gauge trail times yet.

When I finished I decided I felt best used up as I ever have after a race. I was dead tired, but not in a bonked way. I'd held a pretty steady pace throughout and was quite proud of myself. With just more than 100 people in our race it wasn't a big one, but I hoped to have made top 20.

It was an ideal day for running. Cool and sunny, with some mist on the river if I remember correctly. The sunrise on the way up brought life to my groggy head and the trails at the Ijams Nature Center where we started and ended the race were peaceful and beautiful. The people seemed nice enough, though I didn't really talk to anyone, but I didn't get beat up or anything either so that's something. Overall it was a fun morning for me.

On Tuesday the results showed up online. I was 7th. Yessss... (They didn't have any other results indicators.) So I felt pretty good about that. My time was 1:49:44, which I also felt pretty good about. No, I should be honest: I feel really good about how that race went. I'm just satisfied with my effort, and the results are also very pleasing to me.

Things against me:

• Nursing a strained achilles (my own diagnosis) for several weeks prior
• Meaning, no trails for a few weeks
• Then, only two trail runs the week prior to racing
• Which included Friday's run, the most elevation gain I've done in weeks
• Not hydrating too well week prior
• Pizza Saturday night
• Five and a half hours of sleep Saturday night thanks to daylight savings
• Sitting in car for two hours on drive up
• Starting in middle/back of pack

Things I did right:

• Oatmeal, banana, and later another banana for breakfast (plus sips of water on way up)
• Taking two pairs of shoes and then choosing the right pair for the race
• Starting in the middle/back of the pack meant starting slowly, which was good
• Once the pace settled and I'd passed many folks, I paced behind three guys for a while
• Passed them and then ran behind the next two people for a while
• Passed them and then just tried to stay steady
• I ended up passing eight people in all and none passed me (signifying steady pacing on my part, I think)
• Ran up the hills even though I really, really wanted to walk (not a bad thing, but my cadence was still faster than walking, I think)
• Only drank two small portions of water (one was actually Heed, I think; the lady told me wrong) (which may actually have been a negative as I maybe could've taken some calories early on, but it left me feeling light)
• Smiling at times throughout the race, "forcing" myself to engage intentionally in my enjoyment of it
• I started my running app and then stuck my phone in my shorts' pocket, running the entire race without any idea of pace, time, or distance. I caved and asked at the third AS, but they actually had no clue how far into the course they were. (They did not mark mileage, either.)
• Things the race did right: Having the half and full racers go opposite directions on the loop so that we crossed paths halfway. This was bad in that we had to take turns on the single track, but it was good in that we were able to encourage each other and enjoy some camaraderie. 

In all I think I did pretty pretty well on race day and could've done more as far as preparation if I had really wanted to. But I didn't know whether I'd race until pretty much Sabbath, so I just enjoyed it and made the most of it. I'm happy. 

Melancholy Mondays 8: Sure, I'll share

Sure, I'll tell you. No problem. I'll describe it in some detail, even. I'll brush your hand over the textures, and raise it to eye level for you to see more closely. I'll walk with you until we're far away. Then we'll turn, we'll look at the thing, and we'll see it from the distance. I'll flick the switch and we'll examine it in the dark, stroking it and weighing it in our hands. I'll let you hold it to your chest, I'll let you take it for the day. We'll put a song on, we'll just sit and stare. You'll know it soon enough, you'll see. Sure, I'll share.

But only the surface. Only the outside.

The rest, the rest is for me.

Winning Winsdays 7

So I haven't posted anything for a while but suddenly needed to. Therefore, this is a short one, on the wrong day, and the Brightest video is much older than within-the-past-few-days.... That's all.


v i d e o s
If gratuitous animated gore will make you queasy, don't watch this. Otherwise, wear yourself out on a trail half marathon after only sleep five hours and this might be really, really funny to you. (Seen on the cadenced tumblr.)


- - -

Holy doo doo, this is another of those cliché look-how-big-the-universe-is-and-be-very-in-awe. But it's one I actually watched and it's one that has the idea that what light we're seeing from all these stars, galaxies, quasars, etc., that we can see now is actually light from billions of years ago. Which is such an interesting thought to me. (Would we see a bunch more light all of a sudden when all of the light from the ~6,000-year-old stuff suddenly started appearing to us, for those of us who believe in a 6-day creation? That'd be so cool!) Plus, the brightness of these quasars and blazars (yep) is absolutely phenomenal. So so cool. (saw this on wimp...)




Songs
I just wanted to add something besides those two videos. Have I already included this as a Winner? Whatever, it's worth twice. I really like this song: Thrive, by Switchfoot. (And only came across it relatively recently....)