Give me a push

I have vague, snapshot memories of sledding down a long, but wider than long, hill. In the distance was a dark, pointy-topped wall of tree soldiers keeping watch and being mysterious (and avoided).

There was a small jump made for our sleds which my mind sees obstacling us onto our sides mostly, in fits of eager laughter. I see our little bodies bundled to excess--no fingers left to wiggle in the cold.

Now it's dark outside and in front of me is a tall, big-windowed building glowing with those soft yellow lights that warm up cold forest places. Inside I have placed big comfy armchairs and rustic embellishments such as so be very inviting out of the snow. Likely there was a big fire in the fireplace.

I don't know if these are actual memories or just copies of pictures or video I've seen or made-up memories based on them. Could be all three. I suppose I care little.

We drove to Leoni Meadows last night and got here just as Tuesday rolled into Wednesday and the stars were in their brightest wide-angle display above us. We went inside a building, found some beds, and slept. Now I'm scared to get out of bed.

But so excited.

Driving to this place felt a little like what coming home after being away for two decades maybe feels like. But what if it turns out to be nothing? I'm curious. What will daylight's exploring recover from my meager mass of memory? Anything? Something!? It's time to get out of bed.

On Sabbath we all got to go to church.  Most of us helped lead out song service, and then Jerrod preached.  Afterward, we participated in potluck.

That evening, Anthony and I were at the top of the hill because I was trying to take pictures of the dome across the river.  Then we heard howls and barks.  Anthony was off to investigate.  I followed after a few minutes.  Each of us worked our way down the hill in our own routes trying to spot the coyotes.  It was good times.  Later that evening, Jiffer walked her dog and saw the louder of the two coyotes out in the oval.

Sunday morning I went with Derek and Kristina and played soccer in Oakhurst.  It was all fun and games until I forgot how to run and tweaked my ankle while taking a random step.  Ridiculous.

Sextuple Stitch

We were unexpectedly woken up early Saturday morning, and since we couldn't go back to sleep, I made Anthony come down to Indian Camp with me to teach me how to use the bow drill and make fire.  We didn't get far.

The knife blade slipped while I was slicing off tinder and the top of it scraped against my left hand.  I looked down thinking I might've scraped it pretty good, but it wasn't too bad.  Then I glanced at my right hand and noticed that the blade was sunk into my index finger.  Anthony said he could see fatty tissue and that I'd probably need stitches.  Curse words in the head.  No fire.

Fortunately for me it never hurt at all.  Except when the doctor gave me the shots and when he sewed the sixth stitch.  That pinched a bit.  Unfortunately for me, my finger's wrapped up like a mummy every day while I split wood and dig holes so that it stays somewhat protected.  Unfortunately for everyone else, I'm just a big inconvenience all around...

And that's the start (and end!?) of my life's injuries.  A couple dozen stitches and a handful of broken bones and non-functioning wrists short of my brother's list, and just a fraction of Anthony's own illustrious bodily sewing career.  Maybe he's rubbing off on me.

In other news, the temperature's dropping and I burned my arm on the wood splitter today.  (A reminiscer (?) of a younger brother's happy kneeling on the lawn mower a couple years back.  Bah haha.)

Day Off

Ran through the forest and up and down the hills

Finished that one movie that was beautiful

Satisfied by breakfast in dark, quiet cafeteria

Explored the rocks by the river

Read Orson Scott Card under setting sun

No progress made

I was given permission to accompany Anthony on a short trip to Loma Linda this past weekend, so now, within the past few months, I've seen old friends in the four corners of the States:  Seattle area, Collegedale, Berrien Springs, and now Loma Linda.  I gotta say, I think Loma Linda may be winning in number now?  It's pretty amazing to me how many folks are out that way.

Sabbath lunch was a nice get-together.  Everyone was happy and, I think, kind of satisfied to have all the people around them that they did.  We were all enjoying ourselves.  And then some part of my brain and body that I am not always able to control decided to burn poor Janelle's arm with one of those long red fire starters before I knew what was happening.  She knew what happened though, quite clearly.  That event set me back to the hermit stage for a long time, and I'm sure the effects are not over.  Nevertheless, Janelle is a trooper and friend and I think she forgave me and will be fine, so I was able to enjoy the rest of the weekend in spite of myself.

Now that I've graduated and been away for several months, it's been interesting seeing friends.  Everything's different of course, and not just dependent on me.  I'm certainly able to verify that I am progressing much more slowly than the average acquaintance in basic knowledge and practical skills of living on earth amongst humanity.  This is somewhat discouraging, but I am impressively impervious to any inspiring or motivating qualities this realization may carry.

Sitting at the table here, still with a banana to finish in order to complete my meal, and with Anthony already having scarfed down his meal, had a couple or three conversations with co-workers, and run somewhere else to work on something else, it occurs to me that I really do take life more slowly than the next person.  I wonder if this is a quality that will come back to bless me in, oh, say 40 years, but until then, it doesn't seem to carry with it any noticeable benefits unless I'm unemployed, at home, with just the cat for company.

Is growing up worth it?

PS:  Interestingly enough—to me anyway—we didn't take a single picture this weekend.  That's a curious evolvement.

So, I'm at Wawona. Will just be here a couple months to work with Jerrod on random maintenance things.  Frankly, I think they're hooking me up, the poor, lazy, lost soul—and I'm very thankful.  Getting back from Peru wasn't too bad, I didn't think.  Being in the Seattle area and interning at World Vision seemed to go fine, I thought.  But then getting "home" again to Michigan—that was when I had time to especially waste time, and I sure did it well.  

I'm quite prone to paralysis when I don't know how to proceed—if I'm faced with something a little daunting or completely new, or these days it can just be having to talk with people that I feel completely inferior to and out of touch with.  Which means most anyone.  So I've been at home just being at home.  No job searching or soul searching.  No networking or shadowing.  No journaling or praying.  Just existing with the cat.  

Somehow it worked out to come here, and my hope is to refocus a little bit.  I'd like to get used to working again, and maybe feel like I've got potential somewhere, even though I'm obviously not going to be the immediate genius creative mind I must have grown up just assuming I'd be "someday."  Yeah, whoever/whatever gave me that impression:  you suck.  I think encouragement is good from people, but I'm realizing that some folks (myself) need a different kind than what I guess is society's standard.  You make me lazy.

Jerrod gave me the chainsaw, explained some things, and put me to work.  My forearms are shaky and my back is tired.  Go work.  Anthony and I are going on a run in a little bit.  I'm pretty excited about running here.  And it's nice to be back in this environment.  I'm just going to try and be better here.  Maybe that will mean more writing.  Maybe just more working.  Maybe more thinking.  Maybe slowing down?  I think I already take life pretty slowly.  Pretty freaking slowly indeed.  What's wrong right with me?  

The Intern Return

It's over.  What can I say?  It was some good times.  Now it's home for some recuperation and Mom-food and running on boring flat straight roads.

And also... it's the season of job-hunting.  I've been told to utilize my "network."  I don't really have much of a network.  This is discouraging?  I really don't know.  But I'm interested (I think) in editing or proofreading jobs, or writing jobs, or photography jobs?, or some kind of international job whatever-that-means, or some kind of other interesting job whatever-that-means-for-me.  If you hear of one, holler.*

*Either a job or a nice used road bike.


UPDATE:  ...or English-teaching jobs, or anything-that-pays-the-bills jobs, or [maybe especially] anything-where-someone-considers-me-especially-needed-or-wanted-for-a-particular-position-slash-to-fill-a-particular-need-that-somehow-I-seem-to-fit, or another paid internship, or a sponsored triathlete or cyclist job, or a typist job, or a movie-reviewer job, or a stay-at-home child job (paid, of course), or a doctor-no-trainingorexperience-necessary-job, or maybe something else cool.  It just depends, really.  I want either to feel very rich without actually having any money or have tons of money without feeling rich.  I think either way would work for me.

Sabbath Sanctuary

I found a long trunk and sat on it.  I watched the water rush by.  I watched an ant struggle through my embedded shoe print with a leaf.  I peeled my skin and watched the flakes float away.

I saw green.  And more green.  I saw the moss and the ferns.  I saw the great trunks and the great roots.  The fallen.  I saw sunlight and I saw decay.  And no one saw me.

I saw every size of trunk and every color, too.  I saw trees leaning over the water, and others leaning on each other.  I saw the new trees, and the very old, old giants.

I saw a slug.  With a... round, white gill?

I walked through Greenlees Grove.  I thought for the longest time that it was Greenless Grove and I was amused by the clever irony of its namer.  Later, the truth wasn't so amusing.  But it was a lovely grove.

Then I went home.

Time to read the male

What must I do to get the MAN love?


Hunting's better this season, what with the warmer temperatures and increasing technology.  The deer aren't freezing during the summer, and the turkey are taking advantage of more people glued to their screens.

How about those Mets!  Didn't they beat the Bulls the other night something fierce?  And I think I heard Manchester United is coming into town this summer to play the Seahawks at some point.  I'm stoked.  Byron James.  Heck yes.  Bring the beer.

Weiner is retarded!  He thought he had to live up to his name.  Osama for prez!  Palin for Secretary of State!  Let's bring back Newt!  Less taxes!  More money for hunting!  Gun rights!  Bomb a new country!

I did 487 pushups in a minute last night before bed.  No biggie.  I think tomorrow's a rest day, so I'll just be doing 350.

Look at that girl.  She's a 9!  Smokin!  *Repugnant whistle

I got the new Z56 Turbo Torque Reinforced Stainless Steel monkey wrench the other night.  For my lawn chair, sucka!  And I welded two push mowers together for twice the cutting width.

I grilled steak for every meal last month until I found the secret:  sweat.  Drizzle a little sweat over the sauce after exactly 5 minutes and 16 seconds and wa-BAM shi-ZAM you got yourself some real steak.

Noticed seven new beard hairs when I shaved again after lunch today.


...I can't do it.  Thanks for reading anyway, Ben.

Shine your shoes and wipe your... face

A small project from Peru days.  One of the many results of slight boredom, curiosity, and learning.  Forgive me.

I just wish I'd remembered to take a picture every single day.  Oh the regrets.

Rainier then Tennessee

Yesterday at some point, I was thinking about running and I remembered about long runs.  So I decided that tomorrow would be my long run.  Which was today.  So this morning I got up and started my long run.  I went east today, in search of more air and greenery instead of the usual looping and re-looping of these dumb suburban neighborhood roads.

Turns out at one point along my selected route, the view and direction conveniently open up beautifully to a nice vista of Mt. Rainier.  I was just rounding a long, gradual corner, minding my own business when suddenly there was this shimmering, white, majestic unicorn mountain in the distance, kind of poking out over the trees.  That was a nice surprise.  It only lasted a couple minutes as I soon had to turn left and get swallowed up in the ridiculous amount of traffic there is at 6 a.m.

But I eventually got to my objective:  a street that, based on google map's view, looked a little more quiet and green.  It was immediately a most welcome little street.  I was running near Cohutta again, with a relatively narrow road, rolling hills (for the .3 miles I went), and the tantalizing odor of horse sh...adows.

Oh!  Now it's 7 o'clock.  Time to watch the Tour of Switzerland.

Here's a google map version of that view of Mt. Rainier after that long corner.  It's probably better than what I saw this morning.  Just kidding.  I could actually see the mountain loud and clear.

1 a.m. Tired

It's been four weeks since I flew out of Lima.  Obviously, a lot has changed since then.  But frankly, a lot hasn't.

Brosef's coming home tomorrow as long as the ash doesn't hold him back.  Dad's starting another writing sesh.  And Mom and Stef hold down the fort like the troopers that they are.  I keep eating my bananas and almonds and ruining my eyesight.

Speaking of which, I'm almost done with the book I started before leaving for Peru and had to postpone until getting back.  Ben read it.  A Sense of the World.  I just got to the part where he'd officially become the most traveled person in the world.  Lieutenant Holman.  A blind man.  And the book I just got from the library to read next is the one Nick recommended recently, Crashing Through—about another blind man.  Maybe I'm unknowingly preparing myself to become blind.

Life is beautiful.  Isn't it?  Good, good, good.  Right, right, right.  Now, how can I make it even better?

Fiends will never see

Unless they sit with me

Collecting sand

King of my land

I look inside

Night is to hide

Gone are the knights

Losing their fights

Islands and rocks

Accelerating clocks

Right as rain

Wednesday night update

This is the trip Mom and I did starting last Thursday through Sunday evening.  So now I'm here in Washington state.  Today was my second and final day of orientation as a summer intern at World Vision.  I've spent time with Tara and Jessi.  I live in a basement that is 58 degrees.  Mom left ginger snaps and popcorn.  I got a library card yesterday.  My car works fine and I have a GPS.  I'm doing fine.