Ready to Bloom

So I was worried a few weeks ago that 80º days had already started for good until October. Fortunately the world cooled off again. We had some flurries today and I ran in them.

Tree I passed under during a run in Michigan farmland.
#runningscenes

My mileage is going up and my pace is quickening, too. Every evening I run I'm more aware than ever of the effect of endorphins. I'm usually rather hyperish for an hour or two and life seems really good during those times. On today's run there was a moment I found myself just looking up into the branches of a tree I was nearing and watching the birds fly out of it. I was free and strong in that moment and it was good. I'm so thankful I can run. I suppose if I ever lose my legs I'll miss it, but there's bound to be other things that would be just as meaningful. But for now I don't have to look.

Of course, not all is so lovely. Still job hunting. Last week was a low time, frankly. I didn't get anything accomplished and spent most of the day in this chair or laying on my bed. I watched several movies again and am almost surprised that I got out to run or to the kitchen to eat sometimes. Being so down like that really plays with your mind, especially when you were doing so so well just a couple weeks ago, and while you're supposed to be "impressing" people as you search for jobs. I don't feel very impressive knowing I spent an entire week not looking at job openings at all, let alone doing anything around the house. And it's the attitude, the demeanor, that stinks the most. It's a wicked stench and the aftertaste is muy amargo. Let's be for real, feeling worthless and paralyzed sucks.

I guess Easter was good. I ignored myself enough to accompany Mom to Andrews' Passion Play, and it was good to get out, of course. Jer, Em, and I watched The Passion the evening before, too, I guess, and having them over was also very good. And then I had a most spectacular Sunday, which I will recount briefly (Edit: or not) here:

So I sleep in because I went to bed late Saturday night. Not a good start to the day when you're trying to get your feet under you again because you feel like a slob, but at the same time, sleeping in is kind of nice. And it was suddenly glorious when I realized that the Paris-Roubaix race was on. (That's a one-day race, a "classic" because of its reputation and history.) I tuned into that in time to catch most of the last 50km or so. While doing that I accepted the offer of coffee from some friends of the family who were staying with us for a couple nights. Then I ate and got some soccer gear on to go check and see if they were playing this weekend at the gym (all while annoying everyone with my excitement about the race). Turns out the gym was still full of resurrection paraphernalia, so I rushed home to see if I'd get there in time to watch the race winner cross the finish line. I estimate I missed that by about two minutes. No big deal. It was a fantastic race in which Tom Boonen dominated the entire time I was watching, riding solo to gain a 1:39 lead over the chasing group and win with authority. Fantastic stuff. So since I didn't play soccer I immediately switched gears and prepped for a Sunday long run. Twelve amazing miles later those endorphins were kicking in and I was stoked to be alive. I wouldn't say the rest of the day went downhill, but that morning and the run were certainly the highlights. That evening we did watch We Bought a Zoo, too, which I enjoyed and recommend. Sunday was nice.

Pretty blooms in our front yard.

And now I'm back to feeling a little alive again, like maybe I still do have something to contribute to humanity. Some little project ideas that I've had simmering in my mind for a while are starting to surface bit by bit, and I'm hoping to go along with the momentum. In the meantime, I guess I'll keep thinking about master's degrees (and look up for sure how that's used, whether with apostrophe or not, and when), looking for job ideas, thinking about my future, and playing Canvas Rider like a boss. I imagine more lows will come, and probably too soon, but hopefully there'll be more upward motion than downward. Maybe you can help me with that.