Monday, March 4, 2013

Who cares about wealthy and wise?

I lost that vague, invisible, unused security blanket I call health insurance a few days ago when I turned 26. Ironically, not two days later I felt like crap with a burning throat and nights of restlessness caused by pools of saliva accumulating in the back of my mouth forcing me to continuously swallow and spit. I go a little crazy on those nights and had many moments where I felt like punching through the back of the dresser on my left. I would get fed up and suddenly launch out of bed to spit in the sink and drink some water. Then later, on the third time waking up from what could hardly be called good sleep, I'd gather my pillow and sleeping bag in my arms, slink to the big reclining chair in the living room, and try to sleep more upright so the stupid saliva would leave me alone. It worked a little bit. What finally let me sleep was eating tons of Goldfish crackers and staying awake until 4 a.m., watching a movie one night (it's a superb movie, I totally recommend it), and finally being so drained I couldn't help but sleep.

Then, of course, comes the thick yellow snot on one of those mornings, and the subsequent "getting better" stage of eternal leakage from the nose. I've gone through a lot of toilet paper "kleenex" and my nose was pretty raw. Congestion set in and instead of tons of saliva all night it was absolutely none. Part of this may have been due to finally succumbing to the symptom-numbing effects of the off-brand Nyquil I took for a couple nights. I'd wake up much earlier than I wanted to with a completely dry and itchy throat and a great desire to relieve pressure in my face. 

Saturday evening the pressure got the better of me and I enjoyed a fierce headache behind my right eye and all up in my cheekbones. Sunday I felt a little better and ventured out for a run. Then the same headache, except on my left side and it came later, waking me up in the middle of the night. More crackers, more water, more restless aching, and some Tylenol. Apparently it went away and I fell asleep because this morning I woke up and my face felt pretty normal. 

Which was a surprise, a really good one. It brought back wonderful memories of ages ago when I was healthy and running and breathing fine on Tuesday. I literally thanked God for it, because I knew it was the best chance I get at really appreciating that which we call health. Soon enough that blessing will be forgotten and underwhelming as I concern myself with other things. But for now, this morning, it's really, really nice to have everything almost back to normal. It makes me wonder how I would take some kind of chronic pain, or some kind of handicap, or a bout with cancer, or a more serious illness than the common cold. And it makes me wonder how can I make my health more valuable? How can it mean more to me, and to others? I don't want to look smug or ungrateful for my [Update: This is where the paragraph suddenly ended and I'm not sure why. I realized it much later after publishing... I don't even remember what I said. I think I was having trouble with the internet while writing and it must not have saved properly so when I published it it just didn't have the entire thing. Oh well. The point is there, I think. I'll just leave it as is.]

I can even just breathe a bit out of my right nostril again. 

4 comments:

  1. i love you. and i so totally want to see that movie! but foreign films are not exactly a feature in our video store. more like 6 movies on a teeny tiny little rack in a forgotten corner. i'm glad you can breathe again. i'll keep cheering for that right nostril.

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  2. yes, the movie IS AMAZING (jean, tammy, and i watched together).

    and i kinda like how you deleted your ending... apology.

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  3. I can relate to your fear of loss of healthcare. I too, lost mine when I turned 26. Its a scary thing.

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  4. Chris! I thought your blog was silent--and here you are writing. :) Pretty glad for this discovery.

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