Updates Because I Can

Quick little update post because I was about to tell Krista she should blog so I can talk to her by reading what she says. I don't even read many blogs though, frankly, nor do I ever write. So who am I to say such things to Krista? Fortunately, I didn't.

The past couple weeks have been good. We're getting fewer groups here at camp, so we're having more time to work on projects we didn't have time for previously. I've tried to keep the Glacier View Ranch Facebook page going with pictures and some updates, and I started an Instagram account for the camp, too. I'm also going to reprint some pictures for the hallway outside of the cafeteria. One of them was of the hot tubs. Wow. So nice.

The yellow he-cat is kneading my belly right now. Oh, he's done. Just plopped down on my hands. Thanks cat.

Maybe I'll find something to study here at the University of Colorado. Running mecca. Plus, then I can say C U Later all the time and it'll be hilarious.

Or maybe I'll move to South America and visit Stephen sometime. There's a lot of good running down there. Plus the language is pretty and the people are pretty and the places are pretty. And it's cheap.

Or perhaps I'll go somewhere else and do something else. Maybe I'll be an astronaut with the now-defunct space program. Isn't it kind of shut down???

Mom is flying in to Denver tomorrow. We're going to trek up to Wyoming to see Great-Grandma. Then we'll drive back down and hang out until she leaves Thursday to see the brosef. She has a birthday soon. Then sister does, then brother does, and then a couple months later does I.

I asked a question tonight when I would rather have just kept staring at my phone. I read a blog post the other evening where a runner lamented our society's dependance on their little screens. As Eustace says, we ought to be living in a world of circles, not squares. Outside the box, in other words. Coffins are boxes. And I want to get out of that box. Paul (right?) said he stopped thinking like a child at some point. Will I ever?

Now the cat's in his favorite position: ultra comfortable.

Now I got cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats.

Pulling Weeds

Defeated, escaping, hoping no one sees
Breathing short, heart on fire
Fists in my gut want to scream
and punch
and flail
and break
and kill

Blinded, rushing, roiling in the chest
Thinking thunder, Earth too small
Furious raging living tempest
it sears
it cuts
it shrieks
it claws

Heated, shuddering, falling to knees
Swelling eyes, hands are splayed
Whispering lethal obscenities
I'm done
I can't
I hate
I quit

Cheated, splintering, reeling toward the trees
Writhing hatred, mind entrenched
Soul fierce longing for peace
and quiet
and still
and pride
and me

And then.

Knowing it would come, it did. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Why not? Rage. But the sun, it's warm. The valley, it's rich. The mountains, they're bright. The stillness, it's here.



It's a rough cycle, though, getting beyond-frustrated at insignificant things of the day's small tasks, then loathing the self for allowing the fury to begin with. And on and on and on.

Am I such a simpleton that I can't brush it off before it explodes? Is there some monster inside me, growing how big who knows?

It hurts when you can't think much of yourself and if you ever do, you quiet those voices and knock on wood... as if they really knew. And now in reflection, it's always so silly. What a joke, what a funny, he just hiccuped today, that's all. But then really, really, really, is that all it is? Because you know it returns. You know it's not gone. You know you're just pulling weeds.

Fine, I'll write something

This will just be updates.

I left UCA, storing my stuff at the dorm and flying directly to Denver, where Anthony picked me up. I've been working with him at Glacier View Ranch (I'd link it but the website is crap, something we'd like to improve before leaving) as an assistant everything, but mostly cleaner. Caught the tail-end of summer camp, and had a mad rush of trying to prepare for a visit from the Child Care Lisencing lady. We're still need to catch up on that. Since then we've basically just been caring for the user groups that come in. That means lots of cleaning in between groups and then lots of kitchen time during their visit. Some of those days get upwards of 12 hours. Good times.

I've tried to pick up the running, especially in this goldmine of mountains and trails and views and altitude. Bought a couple new pairs of shoes to experiment with. Been on a few Strava segments. And then... got to run at lower elevation in Washington.

A couple weekends ago there was a little gap between groups and I flew out to Walla Walla, ate lunch with the brother, drove to Seattle, visited Ryan, Tara, and Jessi, and ran on Tiger Mountain. Then I drove to UCA to pick up my stuff, running up and pounding down Mount Si on the way. I got to visit with the new RAs and with the deans, and happily discover that my stuff fit rather easily into my car, contrary to my expectations. I coffeed it down to the brother's apartment again and hung out with him for a day before the long haul back to Colorado. Which was quite the adventure....

It's Friday, I'm looking up races around my route to see if I could hit one on the way back to GVR. Not really any Sunday races, except for two in CO itself: Boulder and Vail. I thought, if I leave Sabbath afternoon and hightail it all night, I could hit one of those. By that night, though, I'd all but given up the idea as I figured I might as well not kill myself, save some money, and get to stay with Al a bit longer. (Plus, I had in mind a race in Utah or something, not right next to home....)

On Sabbath we had some of Al's friends over for lunch and then they all decided to go hiking at three. Oh reheheally. Well then I might as well leave, right? By 3:23 I was on the road and doing the math. I figured if I drove straight through and didn't dawdle on the stops, I could either nap for an hour or two on the way or get to Vail with that much time to spare before the race. Sounded good to me, why not?

A few hours into the drive I changed my clock to mountain time, and it dawned on me that I was, right then, losing a precious hour. Well... I just really can't dawdle. So I didn't. I ate a quick Subway sandwich, kept going. Pooped in my pants, kept going. Ordered a gas refill from that hose plane that refills jets, kept going. Swerved around the dead deer, kept going. Drank an industrial-size bottle of coffee, kept going. Took pictures of the sunrise in the mountains, kept going. Ate the second sandwich, kept going. Changed into my running gear, kept going. And made it to Vail Village at about 7:45 a.m. The last gondola ride up to make it on time was at 8:30. Boom.

But then I got lost in the village and swore that if I missed the race because of that... well... I'd be urinated. But I asked a friendly running-looking couple where I should go and made it to the registration table with time to spare. Wearing the flannel shirt I'd worn all night, I slipped the lady my $40, put the $1 of change back in my left breast pocket, buttoned my keys into the right breast pocket, and got in line for a groggy gondola ride up the hill.

After an 8-minute warmup and plenty of ogling at the rich-white-fit-decked-out-ski-in-the-winter-run-in-the-summer Coloradoans around me, the gun went off and I began my 10k shuffle. It was good. 10,000 feet is no joke, though, and we were all heaving.

I finally passed the 9-year-old girl in front of me right after we began the descent in the last two miles, only thanks to my longer legs. I'd heard of two young sisters who were long distance runners, and very good, so when I passed her I asked if she was famous and whether I should get her autograph when we finished. She may have smiled, but probably in confusion. It wasn't her after all. (Though it will be soon, she and her brother kicked butt: she got 3rd woman overall, less than a minute behind 2nd, and her brother, 11, tied for 1st place overall in the 5k run. You heard it from me first.)

My toe caught a rock on the lovely single-track descent and I ate it pretty good. Mopped up the blood and pushed on. Finished in under 50 minutes, which was my goal, so I was pleased. It was enough to have the story, the nice Columbia t-shirt, a cookie, and a cool mountain-race experience.

I tried napping as soon as I got to the car, but it was baking. Didn't last 10 minutes before my sweat woke me up and I decided I should plod on. Two or so more hours until camp. I got gas and hit it. Lots of traffic in those mountains. I had to stop for water and a bathroom break, and ended up zonking out for a while in the parking lot as soon as I turned off the car. I probably looked like I was the beginning of World War Z once I finally got out. Except not as aggressive. Maybe more the Zombieland type.

I finally made it back to camp and so have been here since. A couple days after arriving, I noticed a pain growing in the ball of my right foot. I don't know what it is, but I stopped running for a week and have only recently run a couple short ones to test it. Seems better, but still a little achy at times. I don't know if my hope of doing a trail marathon in Ft. Collins in a month will pan out, but it'd sure be nice.

Besides that, not much happening around here worth sharing. Life persists, and I go along with it. I suppose I'm still seeking purpose and self-confidence and all sorts of things like that. Just typing and thinking that elevates my little heart into limbo and I don't really want to breath. Time will slow down if I don't, right? The only thing I feel is maturing and growing is my beard and my body odor.

But enough of that. I was introduced to a really fun iPhone game where you try to kill the whole world in a plague, I ate pineapple tonight for supper, and the cats have only crapped on the floor twice, so life is really gotten good.