It's raining, but I'm inside

A few months ago, Anthony and I decided we'd try and write at least once a week. I don't think either of us have adhered well to our informal challenge. Nevertheless, occasionally I find myself sitting in the big brown recliner stuffed into my room, fan blowing on my feet, The Brilliance worshipping from my laptop, and I figure I might as well write an update on the life of Christoffer. It is the title of this blog, after all.

On April 21 I ran a 50k trail race—my first—and it was hard. I got emotional a couple times, when the legs ached like slow death and wanted to stop but my heart soaked up the signal before it got to my brain; when I thought of Jesús, the kid who blessed me with "when you can't run with your heart, run with your legs" when I told him I knew it'd be tough and sorry for missing your soccer game; when the rain drizzled on my beat-up body and the river hardly noticed at my side, but I did.

And I got furious at the race organizers and the person who invented the mile and the crowds that weren't there to run me home when the last mile seemed to be three. I swear it was long. Though I did find out later that my phone's gps had jumped a bit during the race and logged an extra 1.3 miles during the race that I did not run, making me think that I was running significantly farther than the 31-mile limit my mind thought it could take.

But first, for the first 15 miles, I got blissed. That means that the fresh Spring flowers were tiny in their little colors dotting the forest. It means the weaving of the trails through the spindly pines and firs, the inclines that rendered the greens and shadow greens of forest views for miles to our side. Blissed means having the means to snap a photo of the gentlemen churning trail in front of me and post it to Instagram while on the run. It means running freely, happily, willingly, for miles and miles with people of a like mind and like goal. It even meant turning back around mile 18 to gaze in wonder at the sprinting high school kids coming up behind us, destroying their 10k course.

And then it was turning back to the trail and slogging through the second half of the course, finishing alone and furious, and five minutes later feeling on top of the world, shuffling from food to car to food to car, and finishing up my day by driving half an hour home with stiffening legs, showering, and going right to the office to start my 11-hour shift in the dorm. I was exhausted that night when I went to sleep, and maybe never so proud of myself as feeling then that I had earned that sleep.

Yes, I stole this from the race photographer...

***

Two days later now and I'm back in that big recliner with the fan blowing on my feet. It's raining outside, for once in our lives. I was on duty this weekend, so it was quite a bit of go go go in the evenings at least. Yesterday I opened the gym and we played a lot of basketball. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was playing 21 with a couple guys and I told them the story of when I was in high school and Andy and I played 21 and he beat me. 21 - 0. Close game. I didn't do so bad yesterday. Sometimes I even dribble now and it's interesting to experience because I'm better than I thought; I've never tried to dribble.

Went all nostalgic yesterday with some fun students who introduced me to Tim Hawkins. I proceded to introduce them to the gem that is Balloon Shop: Hey Ben. Take It to the Next Level. Jelly Beans. Mitten...

Baytowne Heights. Oh man. Those were good times.

Still slowly thinking and praying about what I'm doing when school's out. It's more of a fundamental issue, I think, this figuring out. I'm so average that it feels like there are so many things I could do that I would enjoy and that would be of service to those around me. Why can't we raise the life expectancy back up to 900 or so years so that I can enjoy them all? I'd vote for that. I'd like to live in a lot of places, too. I need more landscapes for Instagram. Just kidding. But seriously.

You know what's fun? Going to a book store while you wait for a student to get done with an appointment downtown, and buying a book that simply looked interesting to you, yes, based on the cover. It's exciting. Kind of risky. Will it totally suck? Will it be one I'll recommend? I don't know! So fun. I started reading it last week in the park. It's called The True Story of Hansel and Gretel. But it has a twist: they're aliens. Just kidding. They're Jews. And I was surprised how well I liked the style of writing. Made me kind of proud to have picked out that book, even though there's no reason for it.

I'm also reading through Acts and I'm afraid to say it out loud lest I stop. But it's good stuff. Feels more like reading history what with details like the group that hated on Stephen (the Synagogue of the Freedmen—I had to look it up again just now) and such. There is so much Bible to read I never know where to start and where to go next and why. Not to mention I haven't done much of it the past few years. But one chapter of Acts a day and a bit of journaling on it will get me pretty near the end of the school year. So that's the where and why this time.

I'm out.

Snippets

[I posted this last night real late. But then found it as a draft just now, an entire 24 hours later. Right now, Blogger and I are not talking. This is ridiculous. Without further ado, here's yester-freaking-days post:]

I just ate a mini-muffin that had been drying out in my room all day since breakfast and it was crumbly. When I finished, I glanced down at my shirt and laughed because there were muffin crumbs all over me, as though I'd just ground up the muffin in my hand and let it drop to my shirt instead of actually trying to eat it. I think I'm going to eat the second dry muffin. I don't even care.

One of the guys in the dorm pointed a finger at me and said, "I'm going to miss this guy next year" real quick and then kept talking. I think he meant it though, and I think I felt good about it. I do now, I know that.

For three days in a row this past week I found a tick on me. What can I say? They love me.

I brag about my running here a lot, slipping in how I'm tired "because I ran yesterday" so I can answer their question of how-far-did-you-run with "26 miles" or whatever. Like that. See what I did there? It's fun because the kids here are impressed with things like that in their own way, and as always, impressed people quench a thirsty ego. (I assume they're impressed, because I feel impressive.)

On Tuesday I went back for a re-run of the 25-mile trail at Riverside State Park. This time, though, I accidentally skipped a little section and then didn't get lost in the four places I got lost on during my first try. That meant that when I finished the loop and got back to where I started, I was still three miles away from my marathon-distance goal. And that meant I got to learn a lesson: passing your starting point is very demoralizing. Those last three miles were rough. I just wanted to be done.

I subbed some classes for a couple days this week. It was kind of fun, especially the first day when it was a novelty for all of us involved. It was fun to interact in a different setting than the dorm, fun to relax a bit, have an audience that laughed at me. Especially that one class, they were the best.

I want to be C.S. Lewis.

I've made some kind of connection with the dorm this week, I feel. I don't know if it will last, or what it is, really, but something's felt right for the past few days. So I'll probably get in trouble soon or something, but at least this will remind me that there were a few days that felt right. It's like when I've started reading a book and felt like there couldn't have been a more perfect time to have read it. Or when I'm on a run and suddenly, at some point several miles in, I realize that everything feels right. Or when I get to a point in a meal when I feel completely content to just stop eating, even if there are tasty things left to eat, even if I could keep going. Like when two blinking lights are off, then end up in sync for those two blinks, and then are off again. Kind of like a rhythm, kind of like a scenic view on the side of the road, kind of like a thrilling new song. It could always get better, and certainly will be worse, but right now it's the best thing ever. Kind of like all of that.

In Time

Whispering breezes hum a song

Asking the birds to sing along

Nodding, the trees take up the dance

Tipping far this way, oh, then that

Together they sing—the birds, the breeze

Only for me, sometimes it seems

Laughing, they know the song they sing

Is a tuneless tune, the sigh of Spring

Venturing its way from tree to tree

Echoing away, away from me